Talking about impotence
Should men feel free to talk about their sex life following prostate cancer treatment or is it a case of “who cares” – or even worse – “Shut up, it’s in bad taste.”
That’s the interesting question raised by comments on a recent story in the Sydney Morning Herald headlined Husband sacrifices sex to stay alive.
In it Sydney engineer Tim Maddever, (pictured above) a 46-year-old married man with teenaged children, discussed the dilemma of agreeing to prompt prostate cancer surgery which meant “in all likelihood he will see his teenage children grow to adulthood.
“For that privilege he has swapped a happy, spontaneous sex life, and the loss has been harrowing.”
Mental Challenge
”It’s as much a change mentally as it is physically,” Tim Maddever explained. ”The nerves were preserved but the sexual function is not straightforward. The libido is different and the orgasm process is different. I’d prefer to be back the way I was, but on the other hand good health is the main thing. Now it’s done I’m glad.
”From the point of view of being confident I’m going to see my grandkids, exceedingly glad.”
Oh Just Shut Up!
Some of the comments that followed this admission were supportive, and congratulated Tim Maddever on his willingness to talk publicly about his experience.
Others though, were apparently upset that sex was openly discussed.
Said Jimmy Monkey; “Why is this even a story? Lots of people sacrifice lots of things to live longer or be around for other people. I can see the one benefit is to get guys to get a check up, but frankly the story seems to focus on how sex is now a bit awkward . . . who cares, if you still get to live??? I think SMH needs some perspective.”
Very Poor Taste
And another identified as NrKy: “I feel empathy for any man who’s had to undergo the trauma that is prostate cancer, however, I do not take kindly to the title of this article. The title of this article is suggestive that Mr. Maddever is making a CHOICE whether or not to live or have sex. This makes men look like bumbling sex-crazed idiots, which we are most certainly not. I am glad that this article is bringing prostate cancer awareness into light, however it is in very, very poor taste.”
Woman’s Perspective
And if you wanted one in the “anything you can do I can do better” vein how about this emphatic female: “Sacrifice’?? At least Tim had his nerves preserved. Ask any woman about their sex life after a Caesarean section… Not to mention their libido after having, and rearing, children in general. Of course it’s news when ‘men’ and ’sex’ are in the same sentence! So yes, NrKy and Jimmy Monkey, I, too, am so disappointed in the weighty title. Shame on you, I thought you were all for equality.”
Talking – Good or Not?
Talking about issues around any health problem seems like a great idea to us, and about sex after prostate cancer its especially recommended.
Just for starters:
- Sex is important to men
- Sex is important in a relationship and for the affected partner
- Communicating about feelings is wonderful for relationships at any time
- Talking about it helps other men
- Talking also enables men confronting treatment-caused erectile dysfunction to find other ways to express themselves sexually
- Yes getting an erection is not the only way a man can express affection and desire – but if he doesn’t start talking he’ll never discover that.
What Do You Think?
Do you agree Tim Maddever should have kept his sex life – or lack of it – hidden under the sheets? Should he be congratulated for talking about a sensitive subject, or is it better to continue the “bury your head in the sand and hope I don’t get it” approach to prostate cancer? What do you think?
